Can’t sleep. One part I blame on the coca-cola I drank this afternoon since my body isn’t used as used to sugar as it used to be. Not sure if I should be happy or sad about that. The other part that I blame my sleeplessness on is my mind. It goes crazy at night. With thoughts, plans, prayers, dreams, hopes, memories...
Thinking about the two parts of my life.
One in the United States. Where I speak English. Where I have a wonderful family I love. A church filled with brothers and sisters in Christ living lives together for the glory of God. Jobs where I get to love on kiddos every day and don’t have to worry too much about how I’m going to support myself. A car. A warm house. Security. Safety. Stability. Friendships. Support. It’s kinda easy. Don’t get me wrong there’s difficulties. Struggles. Trails. Pain and tears. But I can now see how very blessed and kinda spoiled I am in the States. So many blessings I give thanks for.
The other part of my life is up on a mountain over looking Caranavi. Living with children and other Tias. Where I speak Spanish. And occasionally use English when I help the kids with english homework. Where every moment I am ministering to orphans alongside single women all with kids of their own. Where each morning, my soul sings praise as I see the sunrise on neighboring mountains. Where I work HARD each day but am rewarded by hugs and kisses and love. Where there are times when kids drive me crazy, their disobedient and I get frusterated. A life where the only way to communicate with my family for 9 months is over skype and email. Not as much safety. I’m alone in a foreign country. Speaking a different language. Having to figure out how to support myself with no job. This life has less answers. More dependency on God. Because I don’t know what is in my future. But I know God does. And I know that I can rest in that. I have so many blessings to give thanks for.
This life here in Bolivia has opened my eyes up to so many things. As I see these kids living here with no parents, many having experienced hurt and pain, it changes how I see things. The Tias who have been abused, left behind, lost loved ones and are now working hard to make new lives for their children. It makes me stop and look once again at my life. At the blessings. The many blessings. My family. My life back at home. My life here. The children that fill my day with sunshine. My Jesus who will never leave me. The blessing that I am His daughter. Adopted. Loved. Treasured. Protected. Cared for.
Reminds me that I don’t have to worry. Not about support. Not about funds. Not about timing. Not about anything. I know that God has His hand on my life and He will care for me. And I don’t want to forget this when I go back home in May. When I go back to the business and craziness of America. Where we are so easily distracted and focused on ourselves and our petty problems. And we forget to take our eyes off ourselves. And focus them on God and His call to love and serve. To put others FIRST. To live life like Christ. Looking to His example to lay down our own lives for the gospel.
And when I come back here to Bolivia, I don’t want to forget how very blessed I am by both parts of my life. That I am loved. I am His. No matter where I am. I am loved by my father.
~Lily\
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